Trying to figure out makeup at 29
is just so sad –
others have a head start of 15 years
and a gallery of duck face selfies
to look back at –
what have I got?
I want to ask a woman’s advice
but I really don’t want to either?
I might be laughed at behind my back –
everyone might hear.
My 20s were wasted in tears,
went up in smoke and loneliness –
and now I see traces in my face
I’d rather just erase –
I’ve got two months to go
till I have to admit that I never had
any semblance of youth –
two months to figure out
what others learned years ago:
How to hide the lines of worry
and the bags under my eyes
and pretend to be happy.
I want to ask a woman’s advice
but fear I’d see only pity –
so I do what I always do
and try to teach myself –
Perhaps in my 30s I’ll finally
figure out how to live – just a bit –
but first let me mould some armour,
if it doesn’t make me pretty
then at least it might protect –